Before we fall

So bloody tired.
Incredibly sleepy and poor.
Stared at ibook G4 and Nintendo DS for an afternoon on monday. ibook G4 turns round and around (http://www.apple.com/hardware/gallery/ibook_g4_oct2003_480.html), a bit dizzy. Heard that i can get a US$30(ibook)-200(powerbook) discount with my Rollins ID but that will still make a sum of about US$1200-1300 for a 14-inch ibook with added ddr. The mighty mouse is so bloody beautiful. (another US$49, which i think very reasonable)
What is Apple if it is not god? That will be my knowledge of god honey.
Fujitsu? Nothing in compare.
Nintendo DS is nothing more than a machine to me. (http://www.nintendo.com/systemsds) There are touch screen, dual-monitor and microphone, still. PSP is what we call flair. Sony has a thirst for simplicity, lightness (totally bearable) and compactness. (http://www.us.playstation.com/psp.aspx) Both around US$200.
Yup, so bloody poor.
What're all that? Make it a sum of US$1449-1559. Absolutely no chance that i can pay for them now.

Talked to Andy about him. Too much, but essential, "what's after?" for us.
How much you would allow a serious relationship divert your path?
He expects me to be there when my contract is done by the end of september. Certainly i would be glad to stay with him, the two of us. But then, i need to know i still have an option when i want to turn back. It wouldn't be too critical a moment whether i stay in HK. I am talking about after. Life would be so easy for me staying with him. Not even have to give a thought on money. Money banks into your account every month honey, don't you know that?
Yep, he holds out his embracing arms with money on the table, says "Only if you want to."
When one is overwhelmed by sentiments, who else has the authority to speak?
"Yes, sir. I am more than ready."

I have to think, before i lose my mind.

Kept updating a friend's diary. So worry.
Not dead end but no way out, confused. I understand you so i cannot comfort you. Your words have torn yourself apart. No one's diary has ever seem so bloody and troubling to me. I don't want to see you fretted by depression.
But i don't know how, how to hold you hand when you fall. I'm not the one.
I will still be here. Waiting patiently at the gate of your garden, have my tent and food ready. Because, it's going to be a long trip.
And i will always be there, waiting.
Waiting.